The 5 Coolest Things at Sony’s E3 Conference

My respect for Microsoft and the Xbox brand is real (though tested), there’s no taking that away. But, just as it was last year, Mircrosoft spent their whole conference telling us they were about the games while Sony once again just straight up showed us they were about games. They brought the pain this year, and though their sense of pacing was like a college freshmen trying to master foreplay, their heavy-hitting announcements struck our collective fanboy soft spots with precision.

There was a lot to see – all day, actually, from all parties – but since its fresh in my mind, here’s five of the most exciting things we saw this year on behalf of PlayStation:

5. Uncharted 4 – Guns, Car Chases, and Overt Smugness

Sony ended their time slot by showing an elaborate set piece in the upcoming PS4 ‘sclusive Uncharted 4: Thievin’ Down the House. Our roughish hero, Sir Nathan Drake, is accompanied by ol’ pally and mentor Sully as they hunt for Nate’s estranged brother.

Naturally, bullets start flying and Nate starts going the 9mm shuffle around a highly detailed, highly destructible environment. Soon, the duo commandeers a Jeep and one of the greatest in-game, fully playable chase sequences I’ve ever seen in a game ensues. But don’t take my word for it:

4. Shenmue is One Kickstarter Away from Being a Trilogy

This doesn’t even quantify as the biggest jaw-dropper Sony slapped us in the gobber with but it still took anyone who called a Dreamcast ‘lover’ by surprise.

Yu Suzuki finally wants to wipe away the stain of Shenmue II’s cliffhanger from our minds, and he’s only asking for $2 million to do it. Shenmue III’s fate is in your hands. You can fund the game on Kickstarter to ensure a PS4 and PC conclusion to the forklifting, karate saga (at the time of my writing, it’s already hit well over the $950,000 mark).

3. The Last Guardian… LIVES

A year ago, no one would’ve batted an eye if Sony announced that Team ICO’s long, long (long) gestating The Last Guardian was deader than disco. Instead, Sony kept reassuring us that the game was perfectly fine, like your parents assured you Poochie is much happier living on a farm after miraculously recovering from being a street pancake.

Turns out the farm was real and Poochie is happy. Poochie is also a giant bird-dog-griffin-demon. But that’s okay. There’s more to love.

Here’s actual gameplay. Because that’s what games that aren’t dead have: actual gameplay.

2. Shark-Faced Robot Dinosaurs? Yes, I’d Like to Reserve 8 Copies of Horizon: Zero Dawn

If this year’s E3 were a movie, it’d be called E3 ‘15: Sequels Up the Ass. That’s why Guerrilla Games’ brand new IP was so refreshing – it also didn’t hurt that the gameplay demonstration they showed was blitheringly fucking awesome.

What looks to be centuries after the unexplained fall of modern society, pockets of humanity emerge having re-learned to hunt and tame the land. In the distance, broken skyscrapers still loom in silence, monuments to the peoples our new nomads have lost touch with.

They’ve likely lost touch with their history because giant, volatile robots swarm the cities and attack indiscriminately. Better yet, they look like dinosaurs! Dinosaurs made of toasters! I want to keep shouting about robo-saurs until this game comes out when I can finally START SHOUTING LOUDER ABOUT ROBO-SAURS.

Here’s the face-melting first trailer. Your face has been warned:

1. The Square Enix Game You’ve All Been Waiting For! World of Final– I’m Fucking with You, They’re Remaking Final Fantasy VII

The video gaming world at large imploded into itself. Upon finding a secret pocket universe inside itself, that’s apparently been there all along, the video gaming world then exploded.

Who knew ceaselessly demanding a game to happen over several years is exactly how you get shit done? I mean, fuck, I’ve been demanding a Dino Crisis reboot for twelve straight years to no avail but this gives me renewed hope.

Anywho, I have no news about the remake besides it’s happening. But isn’t that news enough? Imagine, yesterday it was a limp “maybe after FFXVIII.” I think if they showed anything more than this CG teaser, no one would buy the game. Because everyone died after imploding in the pocket universe they originally exploded in.

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